If you asked most people whether they value honesty, they’d probably say yes—without hesitation. We admire honesty in theory, seeing it as a virtue that builds trust and strengthens relationships. But in practice? Honesty can be uncomfortable. It can lead to difficult conversations, unexpected consequences, and even strained relationships. The truth is, integrity isn’t always easy—but it’s what ultimately shapes our character, wellbeing, and sense of inner peace.
Honesty VS Integrity: What’s the Difference?
Honesty is about telling the truth - being transparent and sincere in your words. For example, admitting you made a mistake. Honesty is recognised as one of the 24 VIA Character Strengths and falls under the virtue of Courage. It involves not only telling the truth but also living authentically, being sincere in words and actions, and taking responsibility for one’s choices. However, while honesty is about truthfulness, integrity goes deeper.
Integrity is doing the right thing - aligning our actions with our values, even when no one is watching. At its core, integrity is more than just honesty—it’s about living in alignment with your values, staying true to yourself, and making choices that reflect your moral compass.
For example, honesty is admitting you made a mistake. Integrity is owning up to that mistake, taking responsibility, and making it right.
Research shows that people who embrace honesty as a strength tend to experience higher self-esteem, deeper relationships built on trust, and greater life satisfaction. Integrity is closely linked to authenticity, self-respect, and overall wellbeing. By consistently choosing integrity— honouring our values in both words and actions — we create a foundation of self-trust, emotional resilience and inner peace, leading to long-term wellbeing.
Honesty is what you say; integrity is how you live. You can be honest without having integrity, but you can’t have integrity without honesty. Integrity requires courage, consistency, and accountability—all of which are essential for long-term wellbeing.
Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; it’s choosing what is right over what is easy, and it’s choosing to practice your values rather than simply professing them.” - Brené Brown
The Integrity Dilemma
Ever been in a situation where doing the right thing felt inconvenient, uncomfortable, or even risky? Maybe you stayed silent when you should have spoken up, or told a half-truth to avoid conflict. These moments shape our self-perception more than we realize. Integrity isn’t just about honesty—it’s about alignment with our core values, and research shows it plays a powerful role in our wellbeing.
The Science of Integrity & Mental Wellbeing
Studies show that when we act against our values, we experience cognitive dissonance—a mental discomfort that creates stress and self-doubt. On the flip side, integrity strengthens:
Self-Respect – When you follow through on what you believe, confidence grows.
Trust in Relationships – Honesty fosters deeper, more meaningful connections.
Emotional Resilience – Making ethical choices reduces guilt, regret, and inner conflict.
Example: Research by Deci & Ryan (2000) in Self-Determination Theory suggests that autonomy—acting in ways that reflect our true selves—is crucial to psychological flourishing. Integrity supports this autonomy, making us feel more in control of our lives.
Integrity in Action: Everyday & High-Stakes Moments
Integrity isn’t just about big ethical dilemmas—it’s in the small moments:
Returning extra change after a cashier gives too much.
Speaking up when you witness injustice.
Staying true to your personal values, even when it’s unpopular.
Recently, I was at the supermarket and handed the cashier $51.00, expecting $20.00 back in change. Instead, he accidentally gave me $40.00. I could have walked away—which would have been the easy option. I said, "I’m really sorry to hold you up, I can see you're busy, but I wouldn’t feel right keeping this." At first, he insisted it was correct and rushed to the next customer. I stood my ground, even though I felt embarrassed holding up the queue. As I left, an elderly couple who had been watching gave me the nod of approval. Doing the right thing doesn’t always feel easy in the moment, but those small decisions define our character.
Integrity Challenge: Think about one area of your life where you could be more aligned with your values. What small action can you take today?
When Integrity is Tested: The Gray Areas
What about moments where honesty could hurt someone? Or when workplace or cultural pressures make it easier to stay silent? Integrity isn’t perfection—it’s intentionality.
If honesty might cause harm, can you frame it with empathy?
If pressured to compromise your values, can you set a boundary or start a conversation?
The Real-World Consequences of Compromised Integrity
Integrity isn’t just a personal virtue—it’s a responsibility. For example, in professions where people trust you with their wellbeing. We’ve seen the consequences when integrity is absent— breaching confidentiality, violating duty of care, or prioritising profit over ethics. In 2021, I attended a summit where one growing concern was the unregulated coaching industry, where a lack of accountability can leave clients vulnerable to misinformation, emotional harm, or manipulation.
Without integrity, honesty becomes selective, and ethical lines become blurred. That’s why integrity must be a non-negotiable—not just in words, but in actions. Whether in business, leadership, or personal relationships, integrity is the foundation that determines whether trust is strengthened or broken beyond repair.
The Cost of Integrity: When Doing The Right Thing Feels Wrong
Integrity doesn’t just impact you—it affects those around you. While some admire honesty, others may see it as confrontational or threatening. Integrity is a virtue, but it can also feel uncomfortable, isolating, or even risky. Standing by your values isn’t always easy—it can lead to tough conversations, strained relationships, and emotional exhaustion.
Why Some People Struggle with Integrity
Avoiding accountability – Integrity forces self-reflection, which can be uncomfortable.
Misinterpreting intentions – Some see honesty as judgment rather than care.
Feeling exposed – Authenticity can highlight others' avoidance or dishonesty.
Here are some drawbacks of Integrity and how to navigate them:
1. Integrity Can Lead to Difficult Conversations
Honesty isn’t always welcomed. Whether it’s giving feedback, addressing harm, or refusing to conform, integrity often requires courageous conversations that may not be well-received.
How to navigate it:
Lead with Compassion, Not Criticism – Call people in, not out. Approach honesty with curiosity rather than accusation. Example: Instead of “You’re being dishonest,” try “I value honesty and want to understand where you’re coming from.”
Frame honesty with empathy ("I respect you, so I want to be honest…")
Choose the right timing—avoid emotionally charged moments.
Be open to dialogue, not just delivering your perspective.
2. Integrity Can Cost You Relationships
Not everyone is ready for accountability or self-reflection. Some may feel judged, threatened, or exposed, seeing honesty as criticism rather than care. Others may distance themselves because your authenticity makes them uncomfortable.
How to navigate it:
Accept That Not Everyone is Ready for Accountability – You can’t force change. Stay true to your values and recognize when to step back.
Choose Growth Over Approval – Integrity may cost relationships that weren’t built on authenticity. Ask yourself: Was I tolerating something misaligned?
See integrity as a filter, not a weapon—it naturally aligns you with those who value honesty.
3. Integrity Can Be Emotionally Exhausting
Being the one who upholds integrity in an environment that lacks it can feel draining. You might feel like the only one who values honesty, leading to stress and burnout.
How to navigate it:
Pick your battles—not every situation requires confrontation.
Practice self-compassion—integrity isn’t about perfection.
Surround Yourself with Like-Minded People – Losing some connections makes space for deeper, more aligned relationships where integrity is valued.
Final Takeaway: The Reward of Living with Integrity
Integrity isn’t just about morality—it’s about peace of mind. When your actions reflect your values, you experience less stress, greater self-trust, and deeper connections.
Journaling Prompt:
When was the last time you made a choice that aligned with your values, even when it was hard?
How did it feel afterward?
Mantras for Integrity:
"I choose truth, even when it’s difficult, because my peace matters more than temporary comfort."
“I choose honesty with kindness, integrity with compassion, and truth with respect.”
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